February 15, 2007
Don't Try This at Home
I hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day. Blech.
The Russian and I hit an auction in Glenarm for all of 10 minutes and then went to dinner.
Enough of you have emailed me about the voicemail we got the other day that I've considered posting the contents of it. However, it's really not appropriate, so if you really (really) want to know, I'll email it. For the rest of you who are just curious, I'll say he gave us some good ideas of how to waste time in a snowstorm.
Have any of you locals seen this?
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for
the Springfield market:
"Chatham Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at White Oaks Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
"Rochester Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"Jerome Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills), unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
"Panther Creek Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
"Lovington Barbie "
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Virden Barbie "
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Jerome Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
" Southern View Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Southern View Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
" East Side Barbie"
This 16 year old Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED, bus pass and Link Card. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
" Downtown Springfield Barbie/Ken "
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.